The April Comeback

Hello! April Fool's seems like a good day to return to this blog with some sort of update for my handful of, no doubt dedicated, readers! Even though it's April 1st, I don't really have a prank hidden anywhere here, unless of course you consider me not posting for nearly 2 months a practical joke. 

In which case: Ha ha! April Fool's!

On with the schedule, but first let's get the pleasantries out of the way: what have you been up to? How's life treating you? Good? Ok! Since my last post I kept relatively busy doing some odd jobs around the internet and I'm now on the lookout for a fulltime job or a few more of the odd ones. That's all fine and dandy but not interesting at all! Let's instead put the crap I did into some categories here.

READ:
A lot of books but not really a lot of comics. The ones I read and enjoyed the most though, were two great Batman mini series by Matt Wagner: "Batman and the Monster Men" and "Batman and the Mad Monk" and if YOU didn't read them, but like good things, than I highly recommend those. Just look at those beautiful covers! Both the art and writing were top notch and Wagner remains one of my favorite people to ever work on Batman.

Read this and the other one and thank me later.

WATCHED:
I watched a lot of things but let's focus on the one I saw in the cinema, namely the one I saw most recently... So I went to see the "John Carter" movie. While that wasn't my idea (I was dragged there by my girlfriend who insisted on seeing it for the various creatures, especially the one shown below) I kind of liked the movie for the pure, dumb, pulpy fun of it. It was definitely watchable and the visuals reminded me a lot of Star Wars, and there's nothing wrong with that!

Apparently the main draw of this movie.

WENT TO:

Berlin! For 4 days. We caught a great Mayer Hawthorne show there (photo not included here, but I'm real visible on the one on his site - spot me and get a no-prize), and while that was reason no. 1 for going, we also had some other fun. This trip marked my return to the Berlin Zoo after 15 years or so, and I enjoyed that as well (though not as much as I did in my early teens, but that should go without saying). I won't even mention the amounts of wursts and currywursts and brotwursts that I ate there cause there was enough of them to make you sick even thinking about it. They sure were tasty, though and some were sold by men wearing wurst-making jetpack/backpack things. Good job, Germans!

 What's the wurst that could happen? (I'm so sorry for this joke)

LOOKING FORWARD TO:

I'm really really looking forward to tomorrow, cause that's when I'll get to see the premiere episode of Game of Thrones season 2! Woohoo! I seriously can't wait for this and have some high hopes. If it inspires me in any way I might do a write up of it here later on. Since I'll be seeing it a day after the US viewers, please don't spoil the episode for me (I did read all the books, but still...no spoilers!).

War is coming. Thank God!

And that's all for today! See ya next time!

This picture has nothing to do with anything, but I figured I'd cash in on the pre-Avengers movie hype somehow. 

You're welcome!

WOLVERINE AUDITIONS #3

Using the amazing computer technology of the 21st century we're be able to rewrite history and take a look at what could have been, in this fantastic new feature called WOLVERINE AUDITIONS!

Today: It's Christopher Walken Wolverine!

 

The flannel shirt is what makes it. Squint your eyes a little bit. Just imagine him saying he's the best there is at what he does... I think Christopher Walken as Wolverine is a concept that speaks for itself.

Click HERE to experience the whole Wolverine Auditions saga thus far!

Back Issues - Brian Azzarello's "JOKER"

I just read Brian Azzarello's and Lee Bermejo's "Joker" graphic novel from 2008. I was recently reading a lot of Batman books (mostly older ones) and thought I'd pick it up even though the Bat villains I'm most interested in aren't the frequently overused ones. God knows that when this came out I was sick to my stomach of all the idiots putting "why so serious?" as their status on social media and suddenly being obsessed with the Joker. But the reviews of "Joker" were mostly positive so I read it. And I can't say this is a very good comicbook. In case you haven't read this book (congratulations!), this post is full of SPOILERS.

Don't read this or my review will be all for nothing.

The story is narrated by a low-level mob thug called Johnny Frost, who first meets the Joker when he volunteers to pick him up from Arkham Asylum. We find out that Joker was released because he was apparently cured from his insanity. All of the major players of Gotham's criminal underworld (we have the Penguin here being a complete joke, Two-Face and a thugged out Killer Croc) wonder how exactly Joker managed that (as we soon find out he's far from sane) but don't hold your breath waiting for an answer because it's never explained. The narrator, Frost, is far from an interesting character. He never made it big in the criminal world, been to jail several times and his wife filed a divorce suit. He now sees his chance in being Joker's driver/sidekick. He's an admirer at first but later finds out working for the Joker is actually pretty terrible.

This is from the back cover. I don't know the why either. That's why I read this stupid thing: to find out.

As for the Joker himself, Azzarello obviously tried to base him on Heath Ledger's portrayal. The physical similarities are there but that's it, because the Joker in this book isn't nearly as interesting as the one in "The Dark Knight". Like a lot of writers that go for the gore and shock elements of Batman's archvillain, Azzarello completely neglects that fact that Joker should also be funny and although there are some attempts at dark humour here, well... they're not very humorous. One page is dedicated to showing the Joker is apparently also a rapist which isn't funny, good or fitting. And definitely isn't classy. It's a vaguely Ledger-inspired Joker that isn't as good as the movie version and is piss-poor compared to the character's portrayals in better comicbooks. This Joker isn't brilliant, he doesn't "wow" the reader with his actions in regaining power in Gotham's underworld. His plans are straight forward and unimpressive and the only thing that's actually sorta intriguing (and that's the part where Joker whispers something in Two-Face's ear about a way he could easily destroy him) is another plot thread that goes unexplained. And it's a major plot thread at that because it makes Two-Face so afraid he has to call Batman so Azzarello could wrap this whole mess up.

"No". Rapey Joker, our narrator, and his freshly-raped wife. For all you 14 year old adults out there.

This is the sort of comicbook DC markets as a graphic novel for "adult readers" so all the 15 year old's go buy it and eat up the cheap shock tactics while actual adults shake their heads. It's not good storytelling, because there's not much of a story at all. The art is alright, but who gives a shit. There are major plot elements that are never explained and the pseudo dark narrative of the uninteresting Frost character fails to cover it all up. The cover of this thing looked good but don't buy this trash.

Also, if I wanted to go for all the nerd points in this post and be a prick, I'd note that Killer Croc's skin is too thick for piercing.

The Completely Unexpected Skyrim Hiatus

Hi! How was your Christmas/Holidays? I know it seems like I disappeared completely in the last weeks, but there's a (really poor) reason for that. Two reasons, actually. First off, I take my non-religious Christmas break extremely serious. Second: Skyrim. Yes, I got it as a present from my girlfriend and I'm totally sucked into it. It's kinda tragic, really.

They not ready! They not ready for the Facebuster!

So even though I'm reading a lot of comics and planning new content, I'm mostly sucked into this game now. I'm not very far into the game, but that's in part due to an accident/bug that happened to my previous saves and having to start over. The game is really cool, though and I have to give props to my good buddy Ross (CLICK!); for recommending this thing to me. So for the next few days, I'll be running around Skyrim as the daring orcish hero, Facebuster, with my trusty overly-sarcastic-about-carrying-all-my-stuff sidekick Lydia, but I'm still alive and new blog content will follow, promise!

HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY

ORCA ACTION! From Thorgal #33 "The Swordship" ("Le bateau-sabre"). Art by G. Rosiński.

That's right, it's a killer whale eating vikings. Q: How cool is that? A: It's very, very cool. From this year's "Thorgal" #33 ("The Swordship") by Grzegorz Rosiński and Yves Sente. It's one of the things I got for my birthday, yesterday. If you're a Thorgal fan, than this album marks the return to form for "Thorgal". It was definitely the best issue in a while, with just the right mix of good plot, great art and fantastic action. Plus, it has a whole lot of orca action in it. I highly recommend it.

Both of the new "Thorgal" books I got.

In other Thorgal-related news, I also got the first album in the new "Louve" series (based in the world of Thorgal and telling the story of his daughter). The album is called "Raïssa" and it's by a French fellow known simply as Yann (script) and a Russian artist Roman Surzhenko. This is the first thing I've read by either of those men. While it didn't blow me away, it was good for a first issue and the Surzhenko's art is quite good and fits well with the established Thorgal aesthetics. Sadly, this one didn't have any orcas in there.

So here's another orca panel from "The Swordship" (pardon the shitty quality - it got me so excited that I didn't even straighten the comic out to make a photograph)!

"iiiAAARRHHH, that's so fuckin' AWESOME!!!"

Loose Thoughts - "A DANCE WITH DRAGONS"

 FINALLY! Thank heavens...

So just recently I bought the latest book from George R.R. Martin's (is it a requirement to have "R.R." in your name if you want to become a very famous fantasy author?) Song of Ice and Fire series - "A Dance with Dragons". I'm not much of a "fantasy" fan, but I'm a huge fan of this series. I waited so long to get this book, because even though an original, English version would do just fine, I was waiting for a translated edition (I have all the other books in Polish and dammit, you don't change horses midstream in the war against the bats!). I'm only something like 300 pages deep into the book, but I figured I might as well do a post based on my first impressions. I'll keep it SPOILER FREE (even though the book came out a couple months ago, I have some friends who might check this post out and didn't read "A Dance with Dragons" yet). So in no particular order, here are some loose thoughts on "A Dance with Dragons".

• I think this was the second best prologue chapter in the series so far (the best one being the "Game of Thrones" one).

• I already like this book more than I did "A Feast for Crows" (my least favorite book in the series). I like this selection of POV characters more than I did the "Feast" one. And it seems a much less depressing entry in the saga, though I'm fully aware that everything might change in typical Martin fashion.

• Really glad to have Tyrion back. He's one of my favorite characters and even though he isn't doing anything spectacular yet (admittedly, he set the bar pretty damn high the last we saw him), it's a joy to read his chapters. I'm one of the people who started reading the books after the HBO show premiered (even though I've heard good things about the series before) so I wonder if I would like Tyrion as much if it wasn't for Peter Dinklage's spectacular, Emmy Award-winning performance. I probably would, but man, Dinklage is great.

• Man, those Boltons are sick bastards. They're kinda getting more and more scary as the series proceeds.

• A nice "flashback" appearance by Ned Stark finally sets some things straight (if the said flashback is to be believed, that is).

• As usual, things aren't easy for Jon Snow. But it's nice to see how the character changes and there were some really kick-ass moments that made me happy for the guy.

• Boy, poor Daenerys has a lot of decisions to make... Yes, that's sorta all I have to say about her chapters so far. I like Daenerys, though!

• Looking forward to the Jaime and Cersei chapters, though I'm not sure if I'll get them in this part (yes, over here the last 3 books were split into 2 parts).

• One of the things I wondered about, while reading this and previous 2 books, is how the tv series will show all the physical changes that a lot of characters go through. I'm really looking forward to seeing that and hope the show survives long enough to get to it. Hell, I can't wait for season two. Thankfully, I have Boardwalk Empire to watch in the meantime. 

• I've never been too crazy about the Bran chapters (or Bran himself, for that matter, but at least he's no Sansa), but they're pretty cool in this book.

WOLVERINE AUDITIONS #2

Using the amazing computer technology of the 21st century we're be able to rewrite history and take a look at what could have been, in this fantastic new feature called WOLVERINE AUDITIONS!

Today: It's (The Pogues') Shane MacGowan Wolverine!

Fitting right into that '80s "I can drink and smoke all I want because my healing factor takes care of my health (and my teeth)" Wolverine mojo.